I think I’m in love

Apparently this week has an “ass” theme to it

coworker at 2:02PM: Did you hear that Kelly?
Me said at 2:02PM: no
coworker said at 2:02PM: Good ole Coworker 2 ………..busting ass………..ask Coworker 3
Me said at 2:02PM: get out!
coworker said at 2:02PM: Just did. does it all the time
Me said at 2:03PM: I hear him blow his nose all damn day long and it makes me sick
Me said at 2:03PM: I [...]

Heard in a resturant

Sentence you don’t want to hear leaving the lips of the owner of your favorite italian resturant while you are attempting to eat dinner.
“He was on the shitter.”
However, upon hearing this my brother and I laughed our arses off!

W00T

Lawmaker says parts of Iraq safe as Detroit
DETROIT – A Republican congressman from Michigan said parts of Iraq are no more dangerous than Detroit, drawing the ire of the mayor’s office and the state Democratic Party.
That would make sense because part of the Detroit suburbs look like Iraq.  Metro Detroit is second to the Middleast [...]

300 more times

Before going to see 300 I went with my mom and cousins to see that gwad awful Drew Barrymore and “Guy who got in trouble for getting a BJ” movie. It took all I had not fall asleep during that film. Twas the same ole’ same ole’ halfhearted romantic comedy. In other words, two cups [...]

Oh Paula…..Oh Paula

For the record… iffin’ there was one. I totally have a crush on Paula Deen. And if you have a problem with that I will take it back if you can explain to me how the United States of A-Fucking-Merica has allowed the mixed Indian boy with the emo hair to remain on American Idol.

Heard at work

Guy who cleans stuff up at my office building knocks on the women’s bathroom door.
Guy: “Anyone in there?”
Female voice: “Yes”
Guy: “Take your time.”
Yeah….no

My Visual DNA

Got this thanks to OCB.
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TA… Do they have a 12 step program?

I love my mom. I really do. But if she buys one more item of Tupperware I may have to physically harm her. We cleaned out the cupboards yesterday. The goal, for me, was to make things look nice and neat. She says that was her intention too, but I know she just wants to [...]

Cock-Ca-Doodle-Do

I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow I was in a room with family and friends and the topic of Beluga Whale Dick came up. I use caps on the words because they deserve them. Next thing I know there is talk of elephant dick and “red rockets.” This is just a peek my [...]